Michael Vick is doing just fine, thank you very much.

“Fine” in the sense that he’s not currently being charged with “shooting a man in the leg,” or even “conspiracy to shoot a man in the leg.”  Actually, he’s not done anything illegal, according to Roger Goodell and the NFL, which, considering the images that popped into your head when I first said “Michael Vick,” is surprising.  Of course, these are the people that gave Big Ben Roethlisberger a finger wag in response to him triple raping somebody, or whatever god awful thing he’s done most recently.

Quite a lot of stir for a back up QB of a probably-last-place team (don’t kid yourself, Philadelphia).  What Quanis Phillips, the guy with the bullet in his leg, was doing in the same vicinity of Michael Vick, a guy who he is legally not supposed to be near, is unknown, but you can bet it was probably something to do with Michael Vick.  I mean, they did just find out what was causing that smell from the house on Earp Street.  Shit’s going down.

Nonetheless, Michael is cleared to begin pre-season workouts with the team and start off on the undoubtedly dream-filled 2010 NFL season.

“Whew,” breathed the Eagles, as they gear up for a Kevin Kolb-Michael Vick machine in 2010-11.

The man did his time, right?  For the crimes we know about, anyway.

Speaking of crimes, only in this case, against the sport of basketball, the Sixers are trying to tease you into a frenzy over the odds of possibly being better than last year maybebutnopromises.

Andre Iguodala is impressing new head coach Doug Collins with his attempts to make the 12-man Team USA roster headed to Turkey or something to play in not the Olympics.  The world championships are going down from August 28 to September 12, so get tickets, pack light, and dear god, don’t get in an unmarked taxi if you’re thinking of heading over there to celebrate the Sixers big man.

Funny how NBA players who are already internationally recognizable don’t bother to try out for this team.  It’s like its just a chance to be seen as a hot athletic commodity in foreign countries.

But who cares, when Iguodala’s defense is so piping hot?!

“Coach K was looking for Andre to be his best defender, that he had other guys who could score, that he needed a lockdown defender. Andre really embraced that. His attitude all through the camp was terrific. He played with energy, he had a lot of fun playing.”  –Doug Collins

In the end, that’s what the NBA is all about, right?  Having fun.  And destroying entire cities with a one-hour special revolving around a single sentence.  Also, money.  Ungodly amounts of it.

Anyway, with Iguodala’s star on the rise and getting into a groove, all that’s left to do is sit back and watch Jrue Holiday and first round pick Evan Turner tear this conference in half like a phone book.

“Not so fast,” says City Paper’s E. James Beale!  Apparently, the decision to select Turner will push the Sixers’ success back a few decades, thanks to Turner’s weirdly short arms.

I… damn it.

Despite kicking Simon Gagne to the Tampa Bay Lightning, the Flyers are looking to up their defense to follow up their 2010 Stanley Cup appearance that ended in some way that we will never know.

... and then we just turned the TV off and it was like it never happened.

Matt Walker, the right side defenseman the Flyers got in return for Gagne, possesses what GM Paul Holmgren calls “size, grit and toughness” to amp up their goal stopping, provided those things are statistically measurable within the next NHL season.  At 30, Walker is a guy who will be subtracting $1.7 million from the Flyers payroll until his contract explodes at the end of the 2012-13 season, along with the rest of the planet.

Gagne being gone ruptures open a wealth of salary cap space, allowing not only for Walker to join up, but guys like Claude Giroux, Ville Leino, and James van Riemsdyk now can tunnel into the payroll and become players who can punch more of an impact on the ice.  These are good things, people.  Everybody’s got a little leftover bloodlust lingering from the trophy-blue balls we received at the hands of the Blackhawks.

And now, for a sport that’s actually in season/not centered around the actions of a violent criminal, the Phillies just swept the Colorado Rockies in four games at home in Citizens Bank Park.  This is significant because the Phillies, despite a potent lineup and housing two of the best starting pitchers in the league, have been horrible since about late May.

Having recently clawed their way back into second place, the Phils now face a July 31 trade deadline which could see RF Jayson Werth traded somewhere like Detroit or Tampa Bay or San Diego, where a high octane right-handed hitter could be of great use, in exchange for starting pitching that goes beyond Roy Halladay and Cole Hamels.

Could the man with the murderer’s beard be shaved right off the roster?  With the way he [hasn’t] been hitting, it may not be a huge loss.  Then again, he’s starting to heat up.  Then again, the starting pitching might come around if the offense comes to life.  Then again, the back of the rotation needs beefing.

What do you want?  Baseball is a game of half ass, sideways, bullshitting.  Nobody really knows what’s going on, ever.