Phreak Show: Mistaken Identity

Rex Ryan is trying to channel the Bullies' essence in an intersport 'tude-heist across time....
What you need most from a catcher is his ability to take himself seriously.

A penniless NHL is going to leave some guys out to rot, and Bill Guerin, ex-Penguin, current Flyers skate buddy, is just such a guy.  Sure, he may have the guts and the gumption, but when you get down to it, and you certainly don’t have to go very low, Guerin is a 40-year-old man with 21 goals in 2010 asking for $2 million dollars.

…….. meh.

The problem is, as Guerin works out with the Flyboys but can’t stress enough that he is not one of them (“He just needed a place to skate,” his agent announces to an empty press room), that the money some teams would love to pay him just doesn’t exist.  Some young idiot with less cracks in his skull can step up, compete, put up a fight, and cause a stir… all for a low, low, NHL minimum, price!

Hell, you do it in the grocery store all the time.  Sure, you love Red Delicious.  They’ve lived up to their name in both color and deliciousness.  But the Gala apples are $.30 cheaper, and you still get to eat an apple.

So the Penguins put Guerin back on the display stand and he fell into the Flyers’ shopping basket, if only for the afternoon.

Meanwhile, New York Jets coach Rex Ryan is getting his sports all the hell mixed up when he decides to pluck the treasured, sanguinary memories of the 1970s Flyers out of sports history and, lick the back of them, and stick them to whatever the Jets are trying to be without Darrelle Revis.

“Look at the Philadelphia Flyers during their Broad Street Bully days. Every team in the NHL couldn’t wait to play them. What happened? The Flyers kicked their butts anyway and hoisted the Cup.  I want to be that team that you hate … you can’t stand the Jets.

PICTURED: The 2010 New York Jets

What?  N… no.  Shut up, Rex Ryan.  You can’t just be a team from another sport and rival city.  I know, I know, he’s talking about attitude, but that’s even worse. Now he’s trying to channel the Bulliesessence in an intersport ‘tude-heist across time.

Good luck, dude.

And a good luck to Elton Brand, who seems to think that after several seasons of just sort of hanging around after  particularly debilitating Achilles rupture, he his rearing to get back in the thick of it.  However, it’s Doug Collins’ excitement at this notion that may be a much more solid indicator of its truth.

Brand has deflated to 255 pounds, which Collins says will give his legs/support beams some relief, and allow him to take pressure off of his wound.  Stuck in the 260’s during the last campaign, Brand seems poised to fly out the gate with the grace and maneuverability of a gazelle taking fli–

“… we’re not predicting a full bounce-back campaign. His skills have deteriorated too quickly.”  –Doug Collins

Collins sounds like a vet bringing your cat into the waiting area after removing 10 feet of its intestine.

But if you’re the Phillies, “removal” is the furthest thing from your mind.  It’s September, and you know what that means.  Or, if you’re just a casual sports fan, you don’t, and you can’t say you really care.  And I couldn’t blame you.  Its not very interesting anyway.

Rosters are expanding for the playoffs, which means that ripened players from below in the minors will be surfacing, or resurfacing, so provide background support for the September stretch.  The latest addition is catcher Paul Hoover, who saw a handful of time already this season when we fell so short on catching that Jayson Werth was next in line for the job.

What you need most from a catcher is his ability to take himself seriously.

Hoover was competing with Dane Sardinha, who also came up during that drought of masked men we experienced earlier, and soundly defeated him, as his numbers and hair more major league experience qualified him to be a third string catcher for a month or two.

September began with a much more bipolar Phillies team than we’d seen in their latest victory-flushed success.  First, a sweep at the hands of a shitty team, than a sweep of a first place team, followed by taking two out of three from a shitty team.  Which turns us spectators into clueless throngs of head-scratching drunks, primed to scream ourselves hoarse at a moment’s/Brad Lidge appearance’s notice.

And finally, there are those on the Eagles roster who in a few days will no longer be able to call themselves Eagles.  Or even “possible-Eagles.”  The final pre-season game goes down on this very night, taking the spotlight off new starting QB Not Donovan McNabb, who clearly has a job, and puts it squarely on those names you don’t really know or care about, but who are scrambling most of all for your approval, or rather, that of Andy Reid.

As the NFL season begins, and my fantasy roster bleeds quality TE’s for some reason, the Eagles creep toward a season which will be scrutinized for its offerings of hope, rather than promises of success.  And, if the Eagles start squawking with failure, we can always turn to the Phils, who will hopefully not be doing the same.

Images courtesy of Land of Legends and Talk Sports